Since the High Holiday season is highlighted with themes of atonement and forgiveness, I had a thought: We often think of apologizing to others (or think that others should apologize to us), but rarely do we think of apologizing to ourselves. Instead of focusing on other people, why not turn inward to embrace ourselves and become the best we can be? How do we show ourselves forgiveness, acceptance and love? I asked 15 Jewish friends how they plan to do this in 5778.
What are you apologizing to yourself for in 5777?
“Self-deprecation. I am my own worst critic.”
—Stefani
“Overworking myself this year—I gotta realize that my mental health is more important than my job!”
—Carly
“I’m thankful I don’t think I have a lot to apologize to myself for. I guess I’d apologize to myself for putting myself through a lot of anxiety-producing situations over the past year.”
—Jonny
“Not tuning in and trusting my own intuition and following my own path but instead succumbing to pressure from others about who to love, where to work, where to live, and many things big and small that were not my soul’s true purpose.”
—Erica
“Not sticking to a healthy food/exercise routine. I always try to start the year off on a positive note.”
—Karen
“Allowing myself to settle and not going for what I’m capable of.”
—Andy
“Not listening to my own limits and bandwidth. I have a tendency to say yes very quickly to all that is asked of me, whether it be from friends or family or colleagues…I want to say I’m sorry for not recognizing when I need to hit the pause button for myself in the midst of saying yes to others.”
—Julia
“Doubting myself and my ability to accomplish big things, like graduating college and continuing my education.”
—Erin
“Exhaustion. I have a tendency to over extend, which is always a bad thing. It definitely has taken a toll, both on my stress level and general mental state, and also on my health. I get sick way too frequently.”
—David
“Not listening to my body when it needs to stop and rest and for overexerting myself. Sometimes putting others before myself can alter my own health and wellness. Without care for myself, it would be difficult to provide care for others.”
—Michelle
“Placing too much pressure on myself for where my life should be.”
—Jen
“Losing sight of what’s really important in life and for letting important people leave my life.”
—Jake
“I am my own worst critic. I am apologizing for setting unrealistic expectations for myself. It is good to be challenged, to want to grow, to step outside of my comfort zone. But it’s also important to realize I am human. I can only do the best that I can.”
—Taylor
“Not always giving my body the rest that it needs.”
—Marcelle
“How much I beat myself up over losing my old job around a year ago.”
—Michael
What’s your goal for yourself in 5778?
“Grow in my career. I would really like to establish myself professionally in my city.”
—Stefani
“Take more personal days!”
—Carly
“Continue to build a life for myself in my new city, meet new people and try new things.”
—Jonny
“Absorb as much universal love, joy and healing energy as I possibly can and share it with everyone I meet in everything I do. Figure out the highest purpose and intention in my time here. Focus on art as much as possible.”
—Erica
“Be happy, healthy, save money and make time for me and my loved ones.”
—Karen
“Aside from pushing myself to achieve more, to be a more authentic me and to focus on the relationships that mean the most to me.”
—Andy
“Find ways to be kinder to myself, whether through difficult situations or finding time to put myself first.”
—Julia
“I find that I’m not very nice to myself because I tend to focus too much on the negatives. I would like to learn how to build my self-confidence instead of degrading it. I know I can have a more positive self-perception if I put my mind to it!”
—Erin
“Focus on some of the other parts of my life besides work. I love my job, and it’s easy to get sucked in. Work life can’t be the only thing, but it is definitely a convenient distraction. I want to shift my focus, without sacrificing the quality of work or my commitment to it, to making the rest of my life feel as full and satisfying.”
—David
“Revisit my hobbies and spend more ‘me’ time doing activities that I love. With college almost five years behind me, I have found it hard to break back into activities that I love the most without a student organization to be a part of. I strive to engage in the community and take part in some of the things I love the most.”
—Michelle
“Live more presently and embrace each busy moment instead of always thinking ahead to the next thing.”
—Jen
“Figure out where I am headed.”
—Jake
“Be more mindful of and listen to my body.”
—Taylor
“Be more patient with myself and learn that it’s OK to put myself first sometimes.”
—Marcelle
“Get booked to do 10 minutes of standup comedy at an actual show.”
—Michael
What are your go-to self-care practices?
“I like to set aside a few days a week to focus on things I like to do. No work, no distractions, just wandering around the city exploring.”
—Stefani
“They change a lot, but lately it’s been the following: going to the movies, giving myself time to cook dinner and giving myself one night a week to go straight home after work and pamper myself (face mask, new movie, in bed by 10!).”
—Carly
“Listening to music, watching my favorite TV shows on Netflix and exercising.”
—Jonny
“Meditation, tuning into intuition, spending time with friends, listening to music, reducing stress, asking my body what it needs and eating well.”
—Erica
“Some of the things I love to do are go for a walk, watch TV, listen to a podcast or hang out with friends. Mostly, it’s just making sure that I listen to whatever my body is telling me I need. Sometimes food, sometimes sleep, sometimes fro-yo!”
—Karen
“They have recently begun to include yoga and mindfulness. Being aware of your body and how you feel is critical to leading a healthy and successful life.”
—Andy
“I admittedly am not the best at self-care, so that’s another goal! But I think my favorite act of self-care is cooking! I love the chance to take fresh ingredients and make something wonderful. I also think a good massage is always a great act of self-care, as it’s time set aside focused truly on you.”
—Julia
“If I’m feeling a little down on myself, I like to just spend some time alone. Whether that means I watch my favorite movies, work on some art or listen to music, I only have to worry about myself, how I’m feeling and how to best heal my mind. It’s difficult to do that when you have too many people and things cluttering your head. You can only worry about everyone and everything else after you’re in a clear state of mind and you’re happy with yourself!”
—Erin
“For me, self-care is taking a night to myself. No plans, no friends, just me sitting on a sofa with a face mask and either a good book or a bad movie. I think alone time is really important—to unwind, to reflect and also just an opportunity to be totally ‘off.'”
—David
“Get outside! Whenever I am stressed at home or at work, taking a walk to clear my head is the ultimate self-care practice. No matter what the weather or time of year, getting some fresh air can do wonders. Otherwise, my guilty pleasure is any type of performing arts. It’s incredible to get to be a part of the world of a theater production and take a break from my own reality for a short while.”
—Michelle
“Taking moments to myself, sitting quietly or long walks without my phone.”
—Jen
“I like going shopping with my mom as a form of ‘retail therapy.’ We do this to honor my grandmother, who was a big shopper.”
—Jake
“I do a lot of self-reflection. Objectively looking at myself and my life and asking what makes me truly happy and what negative energy I need to rid. I also am a big fitness advocate. I believe in endorphins, and a good sweat always clears my mind and makes me feel more like myself.”
—Taylor
“I honesty don’t really have any. I just know that when I need time to myself I’ll watch something to unwind and take deep breaths.”
—Marcelle
“A nice long walk around my neighborhood admiring architecture always makes me feel better. That or some moderated indulgence from time to time, i.e., delivery sushi or something at that level of decadence.”
—Michael
As for me? I’m sorry for not honoring myself, and I’m sorry for not taking action when I’m aware of it. By not putting my self-care first for the sake of others and various responsibilities, I have been neither my best nor healthiest self. Next year, I will take action when I notice myself giving in to bad habits. Netflix and my phone will no longer accompany me when I’m trying to decompress—I’ll get back to doing the things that make me happy: listening to records, reading my way through my book queue, cooking, meditating and creating at-home spa moments with face masks and things.
How are you going to promote self-love in 5778?
